Marital Rape, a reality in our community

Burundian spouses do not dare to denounce marital rape as long as they are still living together. However, its scars last longer than those of rape out of marriage. – By J.Berchmans Siboniyo

Christa Josiane Karirengera “The framework for dialogue is the key for almost all marital challenges” ©Iwacu

Each year, each month and each weekend, we attend many marriage ceremonies. Nevertheless, most of the newly founded households break-up. The causes of marriage break-up are so many. One of them is marital rape.
“Many wives feel threatened when their husbands come home because they know they are forced to make love without their consent”, says Christa Josiane Karirengera, the Coordinator of Seruka Center. She admits that they receive many cases in their center. The majority of wives who dare to denounce it are from the couples which have already undergone unbearable wounds, sometimes having already been separated. “Wives who come to our center have most of cases undergone the consequences of the marital rape. They may have been beaten by their husbands because they once refused the sexual act”, adds Christa.
G. Mbarushimana, a six-year-married woman states: “pregnancy weakens me very much. I think about taking the rest from pregnancies but my husband is an obstacle for me. If I do not consent to the act, it is as if I am preventing him from his right. Then, I am obliged to turn to contraceptive methods. But these are not compatible with everybody”.
Clementine, a married since 2011 indicates that it happens that her husband refuses to provide daily food just because she does not consent on the marital act. Melissa, an adult lady says she is afraid of founding a household just because of the problems she is told by older sisters.
“Many husbands commit marital rape unknowingly. This is a culture related problem. Most of them have in mind that marriage implies making love whenever and however they want to. Some women complain that their husbands do not understand that they get tired of it. And if they accept, their spouses do unbearable practices”, says Christa Josiane. She adds that some husbands have prejudices that women never say yes, and then the solution is to force them.
Iwacu has gone further to know what the center affords to help those wives under these challenges. The Coordinator indicated many projects. “We offer different kinds of help to them according to their needs. For couples with suspicion of infidelity, we advise them to make HIV test. Then, we make the framework for dialogue in privacy for the spouses. The framework for dialogue is the key for almost all marital challenges. We teach them how female and male bodies function and human sexuality. Others are sent to religious groups to be re-taught about marital love and homemaking”, states Christa.
Concerning the results, the Coordinator of Seruka said that many positive effects have been reached. She gives an example of a couple in Muramvya province which underwent marital disagreements for ten years. After dialogue monitored by Seruka Center, the couple is now the example for many other couples in the province. Unfortunately, the husband is accused of being given poison by his wife when they see him carrying a baby and getting busy doing home chores. They should learn from him instead.